Esta recopilación es gracias José Luis Tallón, que semana a semana nos amenizaba con las firmas que encuentra en los mail's de la lista de correo de Postfix
"If you had to read this, then you are not a member of the American
Association of Professional Psychics."
"Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug."
"Sometimes you're the pigeon, and sometimes you're the statue."
"That's the tail of the airplane."
"That's not a tail. Tails don't stick up." - my three-year-old niece
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that
fool you. He really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx
I'm not insane, just an ISP.
Although people may consider that to be a mark of an insane person!
It used to be said [...] that AIX looks like one space alien
discovered Unix, and described it to another different space alien who
then implemented AIX. But their universal translators were broken and
they'd had to gesture a lot.
From empirical experience, your Exchange admin needs to put down the
crack pipe and open a window to disperse the fumes.
I realise computers suck. The only reason why they are a hobby of mine
is because I enjoy pain!
"The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the
friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes."
- Holly, JMC Vessel *Red Dwarf*
"Women should marry archaeologists. As they grow older, their
husbands will take more interest in them."
Buying Microsoft anymore is like saying: Please, treat me like a two year
old, stifle my creativity and learning, keep me in the dark and feed me
crap, and whatever you do, don't let me question your 'authority'.
"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." -- Wolfgang Pauli
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
Albert Einstein
Note to experienced users: Please don't encourage anti-support behavior.
Don't try to answer questions from users who don't provide the necessary
information.
Guessing what they did is an incredible waste of time. - DJB
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(s)he's at the hopital having his/her fingers splinted after typing 100 times
"NO you cannot use your old address after our domain name changes.
Please go read the announcements that we have been posting for the last
three months.
-- Marge Robbins mrobbins@netins.net
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(s)he is hiding under a table so that (s)he will not be the one sitting for
hours watching
Ultrix reinstall from a single-speed CDROM because the users who inexplicably
have root access have destroyed the filesystem *again* during a misguided
attempt
to "improve" /etc/rc by repartitioning the disk at boot time "so that it
doesn't forget".
-- Matt Bandy m-bandy@uiuc.edu
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Showing the boss, for the X time, how to turn the laptop upsidedown and
shake it to get it to reboot (ala Dilbert and the Etch-A-Sketch cartoon). :-)
Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after
RSAencryption." -- Keith Bostic
If architects built buildings as programmers build programs,the first
woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
"What does oxidation mean, anyway?"
"I don't know. My knowledge of science is a little rusty." - B.C.
"The latest Cray supercomputer is rumored to be so fast that it
can execute an infinite loop in under 2 minutes."
If I had a ( for every $ the government spent, what would I have?Typical
unix response: Too many ('s.
Eight hours of work and all I managed to do was learn that the only
reason they call it "Windows" is because prolonged usage makes youwant to
throw your computer through one...
Why is Linux so stable? Because Penguins can't fly.
What steps could I follow to prevent the [exploitable Microsoft ActiveX]
control from being silently re-introduced onto my system?
The simplest way is to make sure you have no trusted publishers,including
Microsoft. -- Security Bulletin MS02-065
When the government outlaws cryptography, bayl pevzvanyf jvyy unircevinpl.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Redmond WA -- Microsoft announced today that the official release date
for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the
second quarter of 1901. -- seen in Brian Hatch's sig
"Somebody at MS is an idiot." -- Paul Schmehl
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
...Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
"Did you hear about the little devil who got run over by a lawn mower?
He went to the local liquor store because he heard they retailed spirits."
Three servers for the admins under the influence of rye,
seven routers for the network techs in their halls of stone
Nine workstations for mortal lusers doomed to die
One NT box from the dark lord on his throne
in the land of Redmond where the shadows lie
One box to run them all, one box to blind them
one box to control them all and in the darkness grind themfrom the land of
Redmond where the shadows lie.
I asked God for lessons in patience... He made my computers the instructors.
Programmer /n./ A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing
withinanimate objects.
ignorami: n: The BOFH art of folding problem lusers into representational
shapes.
( see 'origami' )
"The trinity we most readily worship is me, myself and I." - Paul Vasconcellos
"Grace - receiving what we don't deserve.
Mercy - not receiving what we deserve."
"Did you hear about the missionaries who went to witness to the
cannibals? The missionaries gave them their first taste of religion."
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that but not withall
those flies and death and stuff. -- Mariah Carey
"If it is blue and winding, it is biology. If it stinks, it is chemistry. If
it doesn't work, it is physics. If it is unintelligible, it is mathematics.
If it is all of above, it must has been made by M$." -- Holger Dittmann
Customer: "I'm running Windows '98"
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech: "Yes, you already said that."
Windows is the answer, but only if the question was
'what is the intellectual equivalent of being a galley slave?'
A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing
what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine
Microsoft is a cross between The Borg and the Ferengi. Unfortunately
they use Borg to do their marketing and Ferengi to do theirprogramming
Linux is like an indian's tent:
No gates, no windows, and apache inside.
"We deliver anywhere in the world in 30 minutes or less, or the
next one's free." - Nuclear missle silo commander
I'm not insane, just an ISP.
Although people may consider that to be a mark of an insane person!
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day;
ifyou teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
Do daemons dream of electric sleep()?
Sometimes you can do everything right, and still lose -JL Picard
A man, a miss, a car -- a curve,
He kissed the miss and missed the curve -- Burma Shave (1948)
A: No
Q: Should I quote at the end of the message?
This is the crucial difference between fiction and real life: fictionmust
be plausible; real life has no such constraint. -- Kevin Kelly
Crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they're at a travel agent's, booking a vacation to friendlier place, like
Iraq.
The Internet used to be a lot of smart people sitting at dumb terminals,
but now its a lot of dumb people sitting at smart terminals!
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they're busy updating their BOFH excuse server
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins,
they are quick to anger and have no need for subtlety.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
has worked so much overtime he is now owed
6 months contiguous, paid leave. --Russell Street russells@ccu1.auckland.ac.nz
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Went to the room with padded walls that nobody dares open when the door's
closed.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
The admin is chained to their desk in a dungeon only the CEO has the key for.
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx
"Mind your trees and queues." - advice for a computer programmer
"He who hesitates is lunch" - old saying from caveman days
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine." -- RFC 1925
UNIX is an operating system,
OS/2 is half an operating system,
Windows is a shell,
and DOS is a boot partition virus." -- Peter H. Coffin
"St. Patrick was not Irish, Adolf Hitler was not German and Häagen-Dazs
is nonsense syllables made up by an American ice cream maker."
In 1968 it took the computing-Power of 2 C-64 to fly a rocket to the moon.
Now, 1997 it takes the Power of a Pentium 133 to run Microsoft Windows 95.
Something must have gone wrong.
"I'm not under the alcofluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer
you didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
MOSIX ...
Why you can't find your system administrators:
In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the manager gets lots of
calls from lusers who can't find the sysAdmin. (for us part-timers only) In
his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the "real" (programming)
work doesn't get done. Manager doesn't understand -- when he gave you this
job, he said it would only take a couple of hours a week....
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." -C.A.R. Hoare
Stupid ideas:
- Putting diesel fuel in a gasoline car.
- Substituting corn oil for milk in recipes.
- Attempting to secure a Windows system.
I wish you'd tell me what kind of systems they're using instead,
because HP can't be doing much worse than
Sun "would you like the compiler or internet options with that" Microsystems,
or Silicon "hey be glad the support-contract number isn't a 1-900" Graphics.
Then there's Digital "It sucks in 64 bits, you can't suck in 64 bits
anywhere else" Equipment Corp (Did we mention it's 64 bits?).
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Is engaged in a staring contest with a pack of evil dogs
( vage reference to Cerberus / Kerberos ? )
Murphy's Law is recursive.
Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
"Good morning, Dave. I've taken the liberty of removing Windows from
my hard drive." - the first sign of HAL's sentience
Guru, n. A computer owner who can read the manual.
( Me encanta, me encanta.... ;) )
"Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless
that for some people itis a complete substitute for life."-Andrew Brown
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a
milliontypewriters,
and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!" -Blair Houghton
Two atoms walking down the street ran into each other. "Are you alright?"
"I think I lost an electron." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive."
"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI
using Roman numerals."-Henry Spencer
I am the "ILOVEGNU" signature virus. Just copy me to your signature.
This email was infected under the terms of the GNU General Public License.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(S)he's busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver. -- Mark D. Roth
roth@uiuc.edu
Why you can't find your system administrators:
You *are* the system administrator
"First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn
numbers into letters with ASCII - and we thought it was a typewriter.
Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. Withthe
World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure." -- Douglas Adams (1952-2001)
USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
--Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top
During the million-dollar BIND 9 rewrite, Paul Vixie characterized
the original BIND code as
'sleazeware produced in a drunken fury by a bunch of
U C Berkeley grad students.' -- D.J. Bernstein
If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now
be worth $72.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one
year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel
deposit, you would have $79. My advice is to start drinking heavily.
"Usenet isn't a right. It's a right, a left, and a swift uppercut to
thejaw."-Computer Museum (Boston)
In Windows you can do everything Microsoft wants you to do.
In Unix you can do anything your computer is able to do.
To sysadmin or not to sysadmin... that is the question, whether tis
nobler in the minde to suffer the slings and arrowes of outragious
fortune, or climb to the top of the building with a fucking high-powerrifle
and scope.
In our world, software has to be small, has to be debugged, has to
ship as part of a major initiative, has to avoid compatibility
problems, has to avoid end user calls. Bill Gates
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they're out fomenting rumors that the Windows 95 cd-roms
have the Church of Scientology's copyrighted teachings hidden on the disk.
I work for an investment bank. I have dealt with code written by stock
exchanges. I have seen how the computer systems that store your money
are run. If I ever make a fortune, I will store it in gold bullionunder my
bed.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off
the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the
Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears inrain.
Time to die. -- Roy Batty, Blade Runner
I realise computers suck. The only reason why they are a hobby of mineis
because I enjoy pain!
Nobody will ever need more than 640 kB RAM. -- Bill Gates, 1983
Windows 98 requires 16 MB RAM. -- Bill Gates, 1999
Nobody will ever need Windows 98. -- logical conclusion
Love is: Claiming that there's no alternative - even after abluescreen
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius
to understand the simplicity. -- Dennis Ritchie
Amén! ;)
"Did you hear about the missionaries who went to witness to the
cannibals? The missionaries gave them their first taste of religion."
"One missionary survived the cannibals. When asked how, he said,
'Those particular cannibals boil their victims. I'm a friar.'"
Any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic.
Why you can't find your system administrators:(S)he's sitting under the
desk, hysterical at what the (l)user just asked.
"I have no use for fantasy adventure. I live the greatest adventure
one could ever desire." - Tosk
"There are only two things which are sure in this life, death and taxes.
However, death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." -- Joshua
( de la película "War Games" )
Microsoft: "Where do you want to go today?"
Linux: "Where do you want to be tomorrow?"
BSD: "Are you guys coming, or what?"
( viejo, pero no por ello menos cierto ;) )
"As soon as we started programming, we found out to our surprise that
it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had
to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that
a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
findingmistakes in my own programs."-Maurice Wilkes
As we enjoy great advantages from inventions of others, we should be glad of
an opportunity to serve others by any invention of ours; and this we
shoulddo freely and generously. -- Benjamin Franklin
Unfortunately, law makers don't believe in the laws
of physics or mathematics, only their own laws.
When will the emperor discover that he has no clothes?
Ian Macdonald | Do you think that illiterate people get the
System Administrator | full effect of alphabet soup?
Google, Inc. |
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
has gone to visit (the same luser) to explain in words of one syllable
why NetBEUI is a BAD THING to run over the campus network
Why you can't find your system administrators:
The Cray's Chiller decided to go on vacation, and (S)he got stuck
to one of the vents on the Y-MP after switching to air-cooled mode.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
S/He is down to the 7-11 down the street,
to buy extra strong coffee and caffeine tabs.
The secret of flying is simple: Throw yourself at the ground and miss.
In German "invent-a-new-word-where-a-perfectly-good-one-already-exists"
isprobably a word.
"Includes Adobe PageMaker. Now you can create layouts that look like
you paid a professional!" No, now you can create layouts that look
like you used a tool that a professional might have used,
had you had the sense to pay one.
"What did the customer say to the Buddhist hotdog vender?
Make me one with everything." - Kung Fu, The Legend Continues
>> _________________________________________________________________
>> MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*.
>> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus
>
> Victor Duchovni:
>Doh!.. Errm!.. M$, you owe me a keyboard - mine was damaged
>after reading the above. How very interesting - M$, who "helps"
>the world to HAVE viruses, now claims to be able to help to
>eliminate those!.. A nice move... Get me my keyboard back!
>Sorry, can't resist...
Windows _IS_ the ultimate PC virus. All those other things are
just worms that eat it.
Windows is a computer virus with a user interface!!
"Observe the situation rather than live it." - dealing with stress
"Been there? Done that? Try cordless bunjee jumping." :-O
Trying to outsmart a compiler defeats much of the purpose of using
one. -- Kernighan & Plauger, The Elements of Programming Style.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
They finally caught him/her for that -big site-masacre (s)he thought
(s)he'd gotten away with. -- Carlo Cozzi cozzi@otb.tudelft.nl
Reality dictates that if we want to be wizards and get paid outrageous
salaries to do what we might do for free, the users must be given
drool-proof paper.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Wandering around the halls looking for his/her lost sanity.
"Garbage - One small stack for man. One giant heap for mankind."
"I/O, I/O, it's off to work we go..." - song sung by the seven dwarves
Microsoft: "Please don't publish anything about security flaws you find in
our products. All this does is spread viruses, and makes us and our products
look flawed, exploitable, and bad." Or, as George Orwell once wrote, "your
ignorance is our strength."
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(S)he's joined a cult practising Windoze 95
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Is closeted with boss trying to explain why
(s)he uploaded a user to seven.rings.of.hell.com
"If time slows as you approach the speed of light, and time flies when
you are having fun, is traveling at the speed of light no fun at all?"
For their next act, they'll no doubt be buying a firewall running
under NT, which makes about as much sense as building a prison out of
meringue.
Last year, out in California, at a PC users group, there was a demo of smart
speech recognition software. Before the demonstrator could begin his demo,
a voice called out from the audience: "Format c, return. Yes, return."
Damned short demo, it was.
What about the four lusers of the apocalypse?
I nominate: "advertising", "can't log in", "power switch" and "what backup?"
Runners-up: "But I only changed one line" and "What's the any key"?
Microsoft is a cross between The Borg and the Ferengi.
Unfortunately, they use Borg to do their marketing
and Ferengi to do their programming.
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash,
it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third oneworks.
"Confucious say: Mind like parachute. Only function when open."
"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
-Mark Twain, After reading his own obituary, June 2, 1897
"The Internet is like a giant jellyfish.
You can't step on it.
You can't go around it.
You've got to get through it."-John Evans
love your enemies; they'll go crazy
trying to figure out what you're up to.
who's General Failure, and why's he reading my disk?
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Is on the phone trying to talk his wife out of buying a house without ISDN
-- The Unknown SysAdmin The8thMan@aol.com
Why you can't find your system administrators:
They've gone to find some more coffee. Sysadmin has left the building!
-- Matt Haswell ccdmlh@zippy.dct.ac.uk
Windows can multitask great!
It can crash and start at the same time!
Hofstadter's Law states that projects take longer than expected,
even when Hofstadter's Law is taken into account.
ThisemailhasbeenbroughttoyoubyJOLTCola,favoredbyssysadmins,netadminsand
programmerseverywhere. JOLTCola--forallthesugarandtwicethecaffine(R).
The only truly safe "embedded system" is
the system that has an axe embedded in it...
Okay, so I have this coworker who believes that NT is God's Gift to Sysadmins.
There are lots of weird gods around, aren't they?
Yeah, he means Cthulu. That's the kind of OS he/she/it'd give as a gift.
"How would you rate our government's incompetence?
Typical unix response: Unmatched ".
Remember - if all you have is an axe, every problem looks like hours of fun
"Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday,
rather than spending the rest of the week
debugging Monday's code."-Dan Salomon
"Milk of Magnesia is not a dairy product."
Why you can't find your system administrators:
They're actully in their office, but buried under the mound of
paper, manuals and spare parts that just avalanced off their desk..
Why you can't find your system administrators:
look better. He/She is probably in the basement somewhere behind the modem
racks. _finally_ took a day off.
PowerPoint & Windows. Office and NT - I might like'em more after my lobotomy
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(S)he's off round the building trying to find who has tured off which router,
or have they just unplugged our link to the outside world.
(God they both happened in one week)
"It's 806 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of coffee, half a
fsckload of Y2K crap, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it".
SMTP is cute, fluffy and goes Woof!
When well treated she wags her tail, licks your face and delivers your mail.
When badly treated by spammers or people
running exchange/<insert other pseudo-SMTP systems here>/etc
she tends to bite back.
"A lazy electrical engineer takes the path of least resistance."
"I rigged my cellular to send a message to my PDA, which is online with
my PC, to get it to activate the voicemail, which sends the message to
the inbox of my email, which routes it to the PDA, which beams it back
to the cellular. Then I realized my gadgets have a better social lifethan I
do."
!" - Tom Ostad.
"I've not lost my mind. It's backed up on tape somewhere." - Unknown
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
S/He is currently full asleep over Her/his keyboard.
-- Ingvar Mattsson ingvar@cat.rydnet.lysator.liu.se
Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around
at 9 am, it's because they were up all night.
From empirical experience,
your Exchange admin needs to put down the crack pipe
and open a window to disperse the fumes.
Quoted-Printable : a standard for mangling Internet messages
Quoted-Unreadable : the result of applying said standard
Unquoted-Unprintable: the comments from the recipients of the above
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they're out looking for an ad in any media
where DEC mentions OpenVMS
UNIX for the masses: <!--#exec cmd="/vmunix.cgi" -->
The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
"I don't clean my house because nature abhors a vacuum."
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(S)he's out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
I have a spelling checker - It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue - Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure your pleased too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh, My checker tolled me saw. -- Janet Minor
All software sucks. Everybody is considered a jerk by somebody. The
sun rises, the sun sets, the Sun crashes, lusers are LARTed, BOFHs get
drunk. It is the way of things.
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for
the rest of your life."-Michael Sinz
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you? - Groucho Marx
Why you can't find your system administrators: Just found out he had a
two month old child, and is getting re-aquainted with his SO
(and the new child) is playing netrek.
Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted
for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]
Why you can't find your system administrators:
They've gone to Oklahoma City, to enroll in the FAA's
Air Traffic Controller training program,
to start a less-stressful career.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to using
Windows NT for mission-critical applications.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
The Grey Wall(tm) has fallen on them
and no one has noticed their absence.
[clunk,clunk,help!,anyone?]
Why you can't find your system administrators:
has slashed her/his wrists on the Answerbook(tm) or Univers CD.
Boy, backups sure are a lot faster since I linked /dev/st0 to /dev/null...
( From BOFH's chronicles )
Obviously the human brain works like a computer.
Since there are no stupid computers humans can't be stupid.
There are just a few running with Windows or even CE.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a
simple system that worked. -- John Gall
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -- Jeremy S. Anderson
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Out at Starbuck's for the X time today getting
a grande cafe mocha with an espresso chaser.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.The network is down.
He who can smile in the face of adversity...
...has found somebody else to blame it on.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
The admin is suffering so bad from sleep deprivation
that they may as well not be there for all the sense
you can make of the words they are saying.
"God is real (unless declared integer)."
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Managed to find time to sleep for an hour or two.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Pizza delivery is at the front door
Why you can't find your system administrators:
They are on holiday for the first time in 5 years
"Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature."
-Rich Kulawiec
9. If a self-destruct mechanism is necessary, it will not be a large red
button
labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will
instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it.
--Peter Anspach's list of things to do as an Evil Overlord
Why you can't find your system administrators:
gurgle gurgle... -- Shannon Robert Madsen madsen@cs.umn.edu
May's Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the
density of control. (The fewer data points, the smoother the curves.)
Security-wise, NT is a server with a "Kick me" sign taped to it.
If you torture the data enough, it will confess. -- Ronald Coase.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
Because the trauma induced by repeated attempts to install
Solaris 2.5 pre-beta on an Intel system has forced him to seek psychotherapy.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they're seeing a therapist who doesn't have any computers in their office,
a non-threatening place.
There are no viruses.
It's antibodies against people too stupid to survive on the Internet.
It's amazing how some people can put their foot in their mouth
with their head so far up their ass.
C:\> WIN
Bad command or filename
C:\> LOSE
Loading Microsoft Windows ...
"Your brain is not on file." - Holodoctor, Star Trek Voyager
Why you can't find your system administrators:
(S)he's catching twenty winks under the floorboards, tread gingerly.
Why you can't find your system administrators:
they've snapped, started muttering about "this damned post office", and
left for the nearest gun store
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea; massive,
difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of
mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
- Eugene Spafford.
``Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.''
``If the future navigation system [for interactive networked services on
the NII] looks like something from Microsoft, it will never work.''
(Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications)
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A: No.Q: Should I include quotations after my reply?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce
bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -- Rich Cook
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors,
not face-concealing ones. --Peter Anspach's list of things to do as an Evil
Overlord
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing
away from the door. --Peter Anspach's list of things to do as an Evil Overlord
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle
with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage
him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of
molten lava is not even worth considering.) --Evil Overlord List
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their
advice. --Peter Anspach's list of things to do as an Evil Overlord
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for
what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not
draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure,"
then suddenly turn and kill some random underling. --Evil Overlord List
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man
possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor. --Peter Anspach's
list of things to do as an Evil Overlord
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel
devices. --Peter Anspach's list of things to do as an Evil Overlord